My Wednesday night indulgence never fails - it always manages to find a way into my heart of pure disbelief. This week's episode featured a high stakes contest - there was a $10,000 grand prize to award at the Universal Royalty National Pageant. Any age from baby to adult can win. Annette Hill, the director (whose voice carried some resemblance to Oprah's), said "Get your rhinestone boxing gloves on!" so we knew this was going to be a real match!
image courtesy of creamcontemporary.com
The first mother-daughter duo we met consisted of Fransoly and Dianely, who live in Indiana. Dianely really wants to be a gymnast but according to her mom, her arms were getting too strong (if only this was my problem) so she had to stop practicing gymnastics. Dianely is way beyond her years - when her mom stuck her flipper (see definition in 6/29/11 post) in her mouth, Dianely said "The glue tastes like something you should not have in your mouth." There is a reason for that, Dianely.
image courtesy of indystar.com
Her mom Fran, on the other hand, isn't the brightest crayon in the box. In fact, she is probably the only crayon in the box because she berated her seven year old daughter for liking every color in the rainbow and said that she could only like one color. When Dianely completely forgot her routine mid-competition (part of me thinks she threw it but maybe I have too much Big Brother on my mind), Fran said that what she feared most happened. Good thing death and public speaking are long gone in the world.
We headed to Edna, Texas and met the inspiration for the song "Whatever Lola Wants" ---
Whatever Lola wants/Lola gets/Take off your coat/Don't you know you can't win?
Lola's parents, Ray and Lynn, completely support her pageantry, but it is her aunt, MaLee, that is her trainer/coach/most beloved family member. The show gets a little awkward whenever Lynn is by Lola's side and Lola is screaming out that she wants MaLee instead.
I'm not a parent, so maybe I shouldn't judge, but providing your child with "dance candy," which is literally cubes of sugar, doesn't seem like the best reward for completing a dance routine. Unfortunately, this is Lola's world, and her parents are also the ones who told her that her sister would take her place in the competition if she didn't behave. Her mom did say that she thinks that competing is helping Lola become a better person (Lola's catchphrase was yelling "Trophies, crowns and money!" during the episode - definitely on her way to becoming a philanthropist).
Oh, and Lola's dress for the competition cost $1,150. When her mother first said "eleven fifty" I thought maybe she got a bargain. But then I realized this figure wasn't a dollar and a half above $10. $1,150 for a chance to win $10,000. My washer and dryer didn't even cost that and they were a sure thing! I hope the three year old can at least reuse the dress for a Halloween costume and a chance to score more "dance candy" in the fall.
image courtesy of monstersandcritics.com
Finally, we met Hailey, a seven year old competitor. As her older sister, Samantha, was preparing her for the pageant, Hailey cried because Samantha pulled her hair back too hard and poked her in the eye with mascara. Joey, Hailey's reasonable mother said that she doesn't want to lose the 10 grand, not just for a couple of tears and a poke. After the family caused some drama by arriving late at the pageant, Hailey performed. "You did real good," Samantha told her. Luckily, the grammar pageant already passed.
image courtesy of etonline.com
Annette Hill announced all the contestants ("Miss Di-an-ELLLLY!" was the most Oprah-sounding line she had) and finally, the winners. One of the male judges was the most impressed with the 18+ age group (...shocking?) and Hannah, a 20 year old brought home the gold. Actually, she brought home $10,000 in cash, carefully arranged in the shape of a fan. Guess Lola didn't get whatever she wanted this time.
No comments:
Post a Comment