Gazetters, I am going to let you in on a little secret. As I watch the TLC show, Toddlers & Tiaras, I imagine the whole time that this is not reality television and that this is scripted by someone as creative and delusional as the writers of Lost (a new addiction of mine that I bandwagoned a tad too late). This is how I sleep at night after watching this show.
Tonight's episode featured a brother and sister duo, Braxton and Alaska. Their mother, Lori, complete with her own striped nail polish, dropped gems such as "You're not a stripper but shake your butt a little bit" and three words to describe Alaska would be "pain in the butt" (yes, I said three words). Lori was also obsessed with stating in many different ways that if Braxton had pigtails, he could win any girls' competition (hopefully all this pageant gold will pay off some obvious future therapy bills for these kids).
While filling out Alaska's competition forms, her dad was trying to figure out what to put in the Ambitions category. Alaska cutely piped in that she wants to be a doctor, but her dad said something about making a man happy someday. Oh, how far we've come.
Braxton and Alaska, photo from etonline.com
(only pic I can find, it actually is not a video)
(only pic I can find, it actually is not a video)
For those of you new to the pageant world and looking to this blog to expand your vocabulary with words you'll never use, I introduce you to the word: "flipper." A flipper (see image below) is a removable partial denture, and clearly a central element to competitions involving four to ten year olds. Lori went the extra mile and bleached her children's teeth. Parent of the year.
photo from mynewsmile.com
The pageant this week was called Stars and Cars. The big drama involved Braxton's CD not playing when it was his turn to go on (I believe his mother, Lori, referred to this moment as "hell") but all was well in the world when Braxton's dad found a computer to play it (welcome to 2011). Braxton ended up winning the 4th place equivalent and once a second place winner was announced, Alaska started to have some doubts. T&T then showed a clip of a sad Alaska stating that she can always get it next year. But then - the announcer (who was both bald and had a mohawk) stated that there was actually a tie for second place and the other recipient was Alaska!
I have a feeling this isn't the last we'll see of this family...
I have a feeling this isn't the last we'll see of this family...
photo from magic-mural-factory.com
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